I am 1-in-4

There are very few things that cause me to feel as though my world is crashing down…my miscarriage was one of them. The way my heart shattered as I heard the words that my baby no longer had a heartbeat. It’s a feeling that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. So many things swirled through my mind. “Why would God allow something so devastating to happen? Why me? Is my body not good enough? What could I have done differently?”

My oldest son, Korbin, was born at 27 weeks. So to know that I now had to experience a miscarriage crushed me. I started to question if I was even fit to be a mom. My body clearly hated me to the point where it was rejecting my own children. I remember crying to myself uncontrollably. Any little thing could set off the waterworks. I was in mourning, consumed with thoughts of what would never be another healthy baby. To this day, I still cannot wrap my head around my experience with my miscarriage because it didn’t/doesn’t make sense. It couldn’t be happening to me. It took a while, but now I am learning to cope with my feelings. Now, I can talk about things without tearing up every second, but every day can be a struggle if you let it.

If you are 1-in-4 women, here are some ways to begin your healing process.

• Journaling– Writing out my feelings helped in a multitude of ways. We, humans, bottle up too many emotions until we explode. Now, before I even get to that point, I put my words to paper. One thing that helped me tremendously was writing a letter to my unborn child. I wanted my baby to know how much love had already formed and that I will never forget them no matter how much time passed.
• Therapy– I will admit, I have yet to go to a therapist (still looking for someone I trust), but I hear wonderful things about therapy. Often, it’s great to talk to those who are not in your immediate circle. Family and friends may cast their own thoughts and feelings on you that you could find offensive. A hired professional will be there to give sound, logical advice.
• Support groups– I struggled a lot with actively discussing my miscarriage. How can someone sympathize with me, and they aren’t even in my shoes? In this day and age, there are ways to connect to those who are healing as well. One of which is Facebook groups. You can type in anything that you need help with, and it will be right at your fingertips: pregnancy and infant loss, trying to conceive, and other motherhood groups. It’s a great feeling when you know you are not alone in the world.
• Hobbies– Distractions can be a good thing. Find that one thing, or a few, that you’ve wanted to do and go for it. Or spend time volunteering in your community. The feeling of accomplishing a new skill or project can make all the difference. You will begin to feel like you have a place in the world again. Trust me, it’s worth it.

To all of the mamas and mamas-to-be, know that you are still worthy of motherhood.

Your time will come when you can snuggle up to your bundle of joy, wipe away their tears, and make endless memories. I am 1-in-4 whose pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage. My miscarriage doesn’t define me. It only adds to the strong person that I am.